We often hear people talk about "letting go." It’s a popular theme in philosophy, self-help, and even day-to-day conversations. The idea is compelling—shed the weight of expectation, relinquish attachment to material things, free yourself from the stress of outcomes. Simple, right?
Not really.
The reality is, letting go is one of the hardest things we can do. And, ironically, the more someone talks about it, the more likely it is they haven’t fully achieved it.
I recently had a conversation with a friend who was discussing his journey toward a simpler, more detached life. He’s been through a lot—serious health problems, the deaths of loved ones, and years of caretaking that drained his energy. As we talked, he repeatedly mentioned how he was now living a life free of expectation and material attachment. He had let go of his possessions, split his money among his family, and embraced a minimalist lifestyle focused on inner peace.
But as the conversation went on, it became clear: he hadn’t really let go. Not fully, at least. He still talked about his responsibilities, his worries about his health, and his expectations for the future—what he might do if he could regain his strength. He philosophized about detachment, but his words betrayed the fact that he was still tied to the outcomes of his life.
This is the tricky part about letting go. It’s easy to talk about, but hard to live. The more we try to detach ourselves, the more we realize how tightly we’re holding on. It’s like quicksand—the harder you struggle, the more stuck you become.
Why is letting go so difficult? Because it’s not just about releasing material things or expectations. It’s about facing our deepest fears and desires. We don’t want to let go because, deep down, we’re afraid of what we’ll lose. Letting go means facing uncertainty, and that’s terrifying. It means accepting that things might not turn out how we want them to—and being okay with that.
The paradox is that true detachment doesn’t come from trying to let go. It comes from acceptance. Letting go isn’t an action you take; it’s a state of mind you cultivate. It’s not about rejecting responsibility or desire but about accepting whatever comes—whether it’s good, bad, or indifferent—and understanding that your peace of mind doesn’t depend on it.
So if you find yourself talking a lot about detachment, simplicity, or letting go, ask yourself: Are you really there yet? Or is your effort to let go just another form of holding on?